Monday, July 30, 2007

Energy Drinks

After several crazy days of running around like a chicken with it's head cut off (don't get your panties in a wad PETA, it's just a figure of speech), I found myself falling asleep while driving. This scared the crap out of me, so I stopped off for one of those so called energy drinks. My thinking was that if it will keep me awake long enough to get home, what's the harm? I must have looked lost or something while standing in front of the cooler trying to pick out a drink from the thousands of choices that were displayed, because a trucker looking dude asked if I needed help. I told him that I have never tried an energy drink before, he looked at me like I was some sort of freak but helped me pick one out any way. He said "This un here werks reel good little lady". I knew that I could trust his recommendation since he referred to me as little and a lady in the same sentence. Guess what?, the stuff works! I popped the tab and started drinking it as soon as I got back into my car, it tasted pretty good too. I perked right up, no worries about getting home now. I'm in such a good mood I think that I'll turn the radio on, ohhhhh, love that song...turn it crank it up, rock on!!!! What a pretty butterfly, is it in my car???? Did that tree just wave at me? How nice...those people are honking and telling me that I'm #1 with hand gestures......I'm hungry...there's a Micky D's off the next exit...I hate Micky D's how about that Taco Bell then...I'll get gas...that's nasty...that guy is passing me...he must want to race...woohooo....faster.....oh no my drink is all sad.....I gotta how did I get this far so fast?I'll be home in a few minutesthen I'll get somethingtoeatand anotherenergydrinkohwaitIdonthaveanyathomecoolcarwhatahunkdrivngitbethesgayallthecuteonesaremaybesomeonewillbringmeanotherengerydrinkineedaotheronegottahavemore........dothesepantsmakemelookfat?weeegoingsofastIlovedrivingfastmymindisgoingfast.....fastfastfast....

Sunday, July 22, 2007


While searching for pictures of Bert & Ernie, I came across this little fashion accessory...
Undergear Shape Enhancer Boxer
"Redefine your look in seconds! Get dramatic results from a padded front that promises a fuller, beefier silhouette. A defining center back seam that separates and creates a rounder appearance. Hipster back for ample coverage".
It comes in sizes small to XX-large. Don't get me wrong, I love checking out a nice package (that's how I met my husband), but Holy Mother of Pearl, a XX-Large bulge? I'd run away screaming. Every orifice on my body would be squeezed so tight, you wouldn't be able to pry them apart with a crowbar!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Jamie Lee Curtis

Jamie Lee has such an enormous ego, that she thinks that what she says is the gospel truth.
I first heard about Ms. Curtis's article from the gang at BTC.
Here are my thoughts about Ms. Curtis's comments.
What makes Ms. Curtis think that everyone who watch's reality shows, do so for negative reasons only? I don't watch because I am "obsessed with watching people lose", I watch because I like to see people win. These shows have also taught me to be more creative in my own cooking, decorating, fashion and so on. The fact that someone who has never watched a reality show before or even how to turn a television on (why does she have one then?), considers themselves able to judge the shows themselves or the viewers who watch these shows, is a conceited fool at best. Oh yeah, did you happen to notice that she used the opportunity to hawk her book? Me thinks that Ms. Curtis is a bit of a hypocrite.(((MUAH)))

Monday, July 2, 2007

Happy Monday!

Why am I in such a good mood you may ask?
The reason is that my family went on a float trip this past weekend and I got to relax away from the telephone, my husband's mistress (the TV), my mother-in-law and all the other things that drive me crazy.
Oh yeah, and I got some nature booty.
Getting booty away's makes the Ho a happy Ho.


Thursday, June 28, 2007

Advice From the HO...

"Always practice safe sex,
look both ways before cumming."

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Jury of your peers?

I've been on call for jury duty since last week, the damn lawyers asked for a continuation. I got to thinking (I know, I know, that's a dangerous thing for me to be doing), about what the trial was about. I came to the conclusion that it must be one bad ass blogger. I mean, you get a jury of your peers right? I'm a blogger, so therefore another blogger must be on trial. Makes sense doesn't it? I'm not a murderer, drug dealer, car thief, bank robber or anything like that so I can't be one of their peers. That got me to wondering just how they get a jury for any of these criminals. Wouldn't the jury get arrested too? The judicial system is very confusing.
Back to the blogger.....they must have written something really bad to be put on trail. Did they blog about Paris Hilton?, that's enough to get you the death penalty. Maybe it was about Donald Trumps hair, that over hair sprayed mess should get the electric chair. Or maybe they blogged about the freaks that are on myspace (most of which are my friends). Whatever they did, I promise be fair and honest with my verdict.
Who am I kidding?
Fry the bastard!!!!


Thursday, June 14, 2007

International Weblogger’s Day

Apparently today is International Weblogger’s Day and Allison from Reality on Bravo has tagged me to write a post about five reasons I love to blog, and then to tag five other people (from blogs I love to read) to do the same. It’s a way to promote blogging and to draw you into our web, Hee Hee Hee (btw, that's supposed to be a wicked laugh). You can't resist coming back for more once the Ho has you under her spell.

1. Because it's an opportunity for me to release my inner bitch.
2. I can say whatever I like and I have a lot to say.
3. When I'm on the computer blogging, then my husband has full control of the remote. I like to let him think he's the one with the ball's in our marriage every once in a while.
4. My sister (Chef Biatch/Brillke) got me hooked on blogging when she asked me if I would help with graphics on Blogging Top Chef: Chewing It Up and Spitting It Out! and then asked me to join the gang on Top Design Blogger...Desecrating The Decorating and then asked if I would stay on when we started Bravissimo up. I got hooked and the rest is history.
5. I blog because it's fun, I meet great people and because it helps me (in a small way), to fulfill my life long dream of becoming an author. Don't you dare laugh or The Ho will punch you in the pie ho.

1. The amazing Eric from eric three thousand
2. The other Eric from everything eric
3. Linda from ::Surroundings::
4. The gals at Blogging Top Chef: Chewing It Up and Spitting It Out!
5. Sarakastic from The Fibromyalgia Experiment

Check these blogs out, they rock!